I am tiredt.

Sigh. You guys are going to have to forgive me for the emotional offloading I’m going to have to do right now. A girl is tiredt.

Overwhelmed. Exhausted. Feeling defeated. Feeling misguided. I need a timeout from life.

Good things are happening like my boyfriend met my sister and my niece and my niece lovessssss him off it’s actually the cutest thing ever. Been in my job since February and I’ve been offered a promotion, which is amazing and I’m grateful. But where I wanna do more in other aspects of my life I still feel like crap.

Aiyana Nails is my non-human baby and I’m so protective. I want to flourish and I wanna do well but boy am I being hard on myself. I know why I am as well. I just wanna be great at what I love. It took me this long to find something I love and enjoy and I want to be able to do it all the time. But that takes time and patience and belief and I am extremely impatient 😂 not one of my greatest qualities. It’s annoying because I can see the improvement in my work but still my brain is telling me “ayy ayy cmon you’re not doing enough”. Baring in mind I work 8:30-4pm 5 days a week and barely have a minute to myself, I still manage to do something nail related. I’m so grateful for what I have but I just wanna be better. And as much as I don’t want to admit it, it does hurt that I haven’t heard from some of the people I expected to. I’m only human man and as I much as I will deny, deny, deny I got some feelings 🙄. I’m trying my best to not focus on that and to focus on the people that are literally trying to beat motivation into me everyday. My boyfriend buys my products, my lil sis will post, like, share, literally everything I do and it’s those people that matter. I think the thing that struck me that most is one of my friends from sixth form, I haven’t seen since, is in Berlin, donated to my raffle just because. It’s little things like that, where I’m like wow. People really support me. AND FOR THAT I WILL NOT STOP 😂

The other thing is I cannot cope with being at home. I love my mum but damn this woman is the most typical aff parent there is. No privacy, no respect and I can’t do it anymore. I am growing up and I refused to have her do this to me when I’m married coz I need to protect my husband and my family. I’ve started researching locks for my bedroom door 😂 I’m so serious about forcing her to see that I’m a big girl now and she has to meet me in the middle. By force she has to understand. Talking hasn’t worked coz I just get called rude and I can’t cope so now action must prevail. I’m gonna get ear blasted for two/three weeks but at the end of the day I honestly think it’ll be worth it. I’m going to get serious on getting my licence and start taking my respect because I can’t be stuck between two cultures forever. If that was the case, my parents should have had me in Nigeria 🤷🏾‍♀️

Wow I need a break man. I look forward to my weekends away coming up because I have not just enjoyed in a while. The turn up that is pending this summer 😂👅 I’m so ready man 🎉